The Basics of Roleplaying, Part 3: How to Play Well

In the first part of this series, I examined what roleplaying games are by exploring what people actually do in them. In the second part, I outlined the different reasons people enjoy participating in these games. Now I want to focus on how to play roleplaying games well—specifically, how to be a good player.

When playing, we often need to balance our own enjoyment with contributing to—or at least not hindering—other people’s fun. Fortunately, good roleplaying tends to emerge naturally when we’re doing what we enjoy while remaining curious about what other players find enjoyable.

The Number One Principle: Be Curious

Be curious about:

1. The world and setting that the GM is creating for you
2. The other player characters—who they are, what they want, and what they’re willing to do to get it
3. Your own character—we often discover who our character truly is through play, as they interact with the setting, the GM’s characters, and the other player characters

Core Principles for Collaborative Play

1. Be Curious and Engaged

• Ask questions about the world. GMs invest significant effort in establishing the setting and scene details, and they appreciate when players show interest. Understanding more about your shared imagined world gives you more elements to play with, creating a richer experience for everyone.
• Show interest in other players’ characters. We all appreciate when others take an interest in our creative work, which is exactly what our characters represent.
• Be proactive. Look for hooks to engage with rather than passively waiting for the GM to direct you (unless the scenario explicitly calls for that, such as a mission briefing). Put yourself in your character’s shoes and decide what they would do based on their motivations and abilities.

2. Play With the Party

• Avoid lone-wolf behavior unless the group has explicitly agreed to it. While some games are designed for characters to pursue separate goals in different scenes, it’s generally wise to check whether the other players prefer when characters stick together.

3. Be a Good Scene Partner

• Share the spotlight. Don’t try to dominate every scene—ensure other players have opportunities to actively participate.
• Support other characters’ moments to shine. Help create situations where each player can have breakthrough or significant moments, and have your character acknowledge their efforts when appropriate.
• Ask other characters questions and engage in dialogue. This helps everyone learn about each other’s characters and explore what motivates them.
• Set others up for impressive moments rather than always taking center stage yourself. The most memorable sessions often happen when players elevate each other.
• Be a fan of the other player characters. Enthusiasm is contagious and creates a positive table culture.

4. Embrace Failure & Complications

• Don’t resist bad rolls or consequences. Some players treat failed rolls as personal failures and struggle to enjoy the game when things go wrong. In reality, failure can lead to interesting situations and compelling stories. Often, failure drives the most engaging story developments.
• Play to discover what happens. If you knew the session’s outcome in advance, wouldn’t that be boring? When a roll has significant stakes and the outcome is uncertain, the anticipation creates genuine excitement.

5. Learn the Rules

• Take time to learn rules relevant to your character. This doesn’t have to happen all at once, but make an effort to become familiar with them over time.
• Know your character’s abilities and how they interact with game mechanics to avoid time spent looking them up.
• Help the GM track your resources (spells, equipment, etc.). This prevents the GM from becoming overwhelmed and keeps the session flowing smoothly.

6. Communicate Out of Character (OOC)

• Check in with other players during intense scenes, especially if you’re unsure about their comfort level.
• Clearly distinguish between your opinions as a player and your character’s thoughts and feelings. In emotionally charged scenes, other players might confuse character emotions for player emotions, so be transparent about when you’re roleplaying.
• Use safety tools when needed. The simplest are:
• “Let’s fade to black on that” when you prefer not to hear potentially disturbing details
• The “X-card,” where saying “let’s X that out” signals you don’t want something included in the setting or gameplay
• Remember that good play requires trust, and communication helps build it.

7. Show Up Ready to Play

• Be on time.
• Come prepared with your character sheet, dice, and notes from previous sessions.
• Minimize distractions.
• Put away your cell phone. Checking your phone while the GM is describing something or another player is having an important moment is disrespectful and demoralizing to the group.

And there you have it—my current thoughts on being a good roleplaying game player. How does this list compare with your own experience? Did I miss anything important? Is there anything I should have left out? I welcome your comments!